Fail With Consequence

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 07:39:48 GMT

Yes, that's right kiddies, i want my brain to shush for once and not over think everything that is going on around me.
I sit here at 3 int he morning, unable to sleep, who knows why.. actually, i do know why, but it's rather pathetic really. but then again, isn't everything we write in here pathetic? or whiny in some sort? Who knows, perhaps that's just my cynical take on things right now.
In the past while, since I last updated this some 33 weeks ago, i have somehow mananged to land myself a somewhat boyfriend... i know gasp! shock! there kiddies! try not to let the shock get to you. Anywho, this brings me round to the point of my entry -- be warned.. i am totally being petty and overanalytical, but dammit, i wanna be.. lol
All week this week i seem to be in a funk where nothing seems to make me feel or think better -- I think it's some sort of onset depression.. but anywho, back to the man.
things were going great for a while, but i don't know. it seems that as of late, i feel like i've been put on the back burner, no longer a body worthy of much attention. For example, we used to text teach other like 400 times a day.. now it's maybe once or twice.. if i'm lucky 3times a day. These past two weeks have been very trying for me. It seems that all i really want is time alone with him, with out having to share him with my friends, his family, i just want him. Is that so much to ask? I want to see him again, more than twice a week. I know that he's likely going to be moved to an on site location for work, but that means even moreso that i won't be able to see him as often as i'd like. I'm sitting here wondering what the gods seem to have against me. Sure, i may be sounding like a whining little bitch who's wiggling in self-pity, but you know what. I feel like i deserve better than what i'm getting. I miss the way things were, i miss how he'd change his facebook status to "is wanting to be cuddling with chris" or "wishing chris were here" I miss that. I want to know why things have changed so dramatically lately. I feel like i'm being held in the dark with very light to guide me. It seems like i am on a sinking ship that better start being bailed out otherwise that ships going down and leaving me swimming. \
I hate the fact that i feel like i'm sinking. I hate the fact that i have opened myself to the point where i feel so dependant. I hate the fact that i'm jealous. I hate the fact that i'm becoming so needy.. I hate the fact that i feel like i'm not good enough. I hate the fact that i'm likely over-reacting cause i keep getting told that his feelings for me hasn't changed... i hate the fact that i don't believe him...
And i hate the fact that i am not getting much reassurance over his ex being present, esp since he still loves him. I hate feeling like i'm second best.

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 19:23:05 GMT

While searching for past assessment examples, i stumbled upon this ditty that i wrote in one of my english classes last year..
We had to begin with i celebrate myself.. and go from there..
I celebrate myself
I celebrate myself,
i seduce myself, I love myself
I feel my hands, exploring every inch,
every nook, every groove, whisper.
It's electric, shivers, and vibrates.
Every touch shimmers and forces me into ecstacy
I celebrate myself.
i feel the warmth and embrace it.
I celebrate myself,
I hold onto it cherished.
I leave me behind,
i embrace the warm feeling of slipping into a new skin
it's warm.
I celebrate that feeling,
never wanting it to leave,
I celebrate the sense of belonging.
I never want to part, but like a new leaf
i turn over new growth from my shed skin.
new
it feels tight -- complete, whole.
I celebrate myself.

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 14:29:53 GMT

Your Brain is 93% Female, 7% Male

You have the brain of a girly girl

Which isn't a bad thing at all

You're emphatetic, caring, and in tune with emotions.

You're a good friend and give great advice.

What Gender Is Your Brain?

got you beat Jess:p
although.. should i be disturbed?

Never Win

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 06:58:52 GMT

So, for those of you who haven't heard, i went on a date last thurs. Haven't been on one for a while, so i went, and i must say, it went even better than i had anticipated. i had no clue what to expect so that was a bit of a downer, but when i arrived, seeing him smile upon greeting me, just took that edge away. We started off the night in tim hortons -- where i had a peppermint tea and he had a large double double if i recall correctly. Anywho, not important.. sidenote, did you know that laptops on a male's prostate can reduce the chances of reproduction.. *looks down.. fuck it!* :p
Back on track. So after getting my drink, we sat and just started talking, none of this awkward first date stuff like what are you interested in, etc.. but more meaty and hearty stuff..the deeper philosophical conversations -- one that which i rarely ever have, so that was nice. We debated, flirted.. and before you knew it, 2 hours had passed.. He needed a smoke, so i was like, sure why not? from there we went to his car.. and no.. no sex occured.. but we did end up talking even more so.. hehe, for a good 3 hours more.. yes.. that's right folks, 5 hours in a tim hortons vicinity. You'd think there would be awkward silences and stuff, but no, it just flowed non-stop. It was very refreshing, and much improved from previous dates that i've had. our conversations flowed really nicely, drew me even more attracted to him. speaking of attraction, he's just as cute in person as online:p
anyways..lol.. at the end of the night, so around 130, we decide its a must that we split.. as i had to be up at 7. So with that said, he said "i want to kiss you, but id on't know if that would be weird or not". I told him to go for it, and he did.. he used his hands around the back of my head.. *drools* the way to my heart through a good kiss with the useage of hands. when i had pulled away after the first kiss, he was like, i'm not done yet, and pulled me in ever more.. *can we say.. aahh!! i loved it!! every minute of it!*
so yes, thinking about that makes me smile and smirk.. i really do hope something good comes out of this. I would love to have a long term relationship again. none of this fuck-buddy shit, i want something substantial. i just sent him a text asking him on another date:p

So since then, on sat, kristen and I went to the gym, to which my abs are just starting to not be sore.. hehe.. then after, we went to jessy and nickies to visit and look at pics.. only to be late for logan's little shingdig..but alas, it turned out well, sitting in that hot tub.. ahh, so nice:p

Alrighty, so that made up for the most of the week last week.. the weekend doesn't have much description as i am getting sick of typing, and yea, i keep looking around the room as i type this, i scared my mother the other day cause i was typing while looking at her.. heeh.. so with that said..

I had my last evaluation today, it went alright, the more i think about it, the less i agree with some of jake's ways.. i dunno, i teach to the class, not to jake -- i do what i know they do best, so i think his observations and criticisms are bit unjust.. but whatever, only 3 more left with him.. hehe

god what else to write, nothing more ig uess, this is me..
over and out

Sat, 02 Dec 2006 08:56:00 GMT

Question for y'all, how do you get a guy to know that you like them and want to go out with them with out saying just that?

That's Right! It's all About the Fabulous!

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 23:53:16 GMT

Be my Bad Boi!

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 09:51:01 GMT

*dances and sings* you can be my bad boy, be my man, be my weekend lover, but don't be my friend*
How slutty are those lyrics? yet how fitting are those for me?
My god, i need to get laid..
Anywhoodles.. small world, this guy added me to msn - a friend of jenni's.. we've discovered that we slept with eachother earlier this year.. how creepy is this?

So what's new? nothing overly much, just influx of new men in my life.. I love it:)
I so should be in bed, but sleeping till 3pm today, kinda has forced me awake.. i am nowhere near tired, it sucks, i should sleep, but i'm wide awake.. lol

i don't know what to write, i think that this will be a pointless entry.. but as i type, i am comparing places that i've done it with this other guy.. creepy small world.. LOL

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 01:31:29 GMT

He isn't worth my time, i can do better than him... now all i have to do is believe that.

She's got the look

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 04:29:52 GMT

Sitting here at the lake in bed, so many things are running through my head. I guess it’s more reflective over how far I have personally come in the past year since I came out. Hearing Sarah talk about being bi and leaning more towards lesbianism in a way frightens me. Not because we’re gay, but because I’m afraid of what will become of the families. I suppose that is rather hypocritical of me to think as such, but in many ways it’s true. Our parents were raised to not accept things that were not considered normal.

What I’m not worried about is Sarah coming out, mainly because while brad will have a bit more of a difficult time accepting that one of his daughters is a lesbian, he will be able to understand the mindset and how it happens just that much more because of me -- i hope. I don’t want to take too much credit, but it’s true. I am the first one on the McKay and Rivet sides to fully come out and be open about myself. So it has come around, therefore, I hope and dearly want her to have a simpler time than what I had, but reality is, I know it’s going to be just as difficult. Which is why I am making sure she knows that she can talk to me whenever however, where ever; cause I will listen regardless of what I’m doing.
Hearing her talk, its funny cause it literally was a flashback to me and what was going on in my head during my coming out phase. Her talking about being dishonest, wanting relief, not hiding things, that was everything that I had said. Wanting to know how they’d react and feel if she brought a girl home.

This whole thing has made me wonder if there truly is a higher power at play right now because why else would one family have two gay relatives. Perhaps it’s to teach tolerance, if only we knew; but, sadly we do not, so nothing really that we can do.
I sit here typing, reflecting on everything that was said tonight, there was a lot of realizations and learning going on, or in the words of my prof, powerful learning. Seriously, if I hear her say powerful again, I will scream. But back to business. This probably was one of the best discussions I’ve had with nick and Sarah. It felt good to know that I wasn’t alone in my thinking’s. I hope Sara doesn’t feel as alone or disconnected or misunderstood as she did before because she knows that I’ve gone through it, and am still going through it. I have her back, so hopefully she knows that.

I guess by the end of this weekend, that’s what I want her to realize. She is so much happier now than what she was last year – it’s remarkable the difference. I like her, I actually enjoy being around her I hope that we become closer to. But until then, I need sleep so goodnight world, we’ll see if I write more tomorrow.

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 07:27:22 GMT

now, you know you're close to your boss when she invites you for drinks with her and her friend, and those two start thinking of who they'd like to set me up with... yes ladies and gents, that happened.. my boss and her friend were deciding of who they know that would be a good match.. oy vey, very interesting night, we were checkin out guys down corydon while drinking and what not.. it was all good.. lol.. then we started talkin about sex.... she started ranting about her man not being able to foreplay.. i've never heard her ever talk about sex.. but then again, never have i seen her this drunk.. so that was all fine and dandy, it made for an interesting night..
I also had my tooth done today, ugh! i hate fillings.. and that type of dental crap, cause it just sucks! Now my computer is sounding like it's about to explode.. woot! that's like so totally so much fun.. like OMG!!!

Anywho, just a brief update.. so here's some lyrics that are turning me on and making me chuckle:

Over and Out

I'd like to direct your attention
To something that needs directing to
A lot of people talk about
Dining in and eating out
I guess that's what this song's about

I know this is not a dining room conversation
And you don't have to listen if you don't have the time
But let me remind you in case you don't already know
Dining out can happen down below

Everybody's talkin' 'bout
Wanting that and needing this
I'd just like to know
If you want to learn a different kind of kiss
So won't you go down where it's warm inside
Go down where I cannot hide
Go down where all life begins
Go down that's where my love is

Now what could be better than a home cooked meal
How you want to eat it depends on how you feel
You can eat all you want and you don't get fat
Now where else can you go for a meal like that
It's not fair to be selfish or stingy
Every girl should experience eating out
Sometimes when I come home from a hard day at work
I swear it's all I can think about

Colonel Sanders says it best
"Finger lickin' good"
Let's put what you've learned to the test
Can you make a fire without using wood
Are you still hungry; aren't you glad we came
I'm glad you brought your raincoat
I think it's beginning to rain

That's where my love is
Come inside
That's where all life begins
It's warm inside

mm.. delish!!

Okies, Over and Out

DDDEEEAAATTTHHH!!!

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 06:08:01 GMT

Yes, come hither there kiddies, for the queen is makin a post... and is titling it her favourite word... DDDEEEAAATTTHHH!!! note: the six characters and the repetitions in 3's with each character.. truely meant to signify a drawl... ask me some time and perhaps you shall hear... the ever so terrifying... DDDEEEAAATTTHHH!!!

*ahem* anywho, this is me, updating my ever so elusive journal with smut and dirrrty filled fun:p
ha! i wish, i have no clue what i'm gonna write about so i'm just going to start babbling and blabbling and blabbing and babbling.. and who here noticed that babbling turned into blabbling and back to babbling? cause i sure didn't until i just read this paragraph, go me! woot! i'm cool.. lol

Anywho, kiddies, as i write here, i have Goodbye-Love stuck in my head from rent, all i hear is the line i'd give anything to have what angel had, combined w/ mimi singin "goodbye love" and "science fiction" from Rocky horror.. ahh! i curse this jukebox called my brain, but regardless, i sit here frantically trying to find my old writings and poems, etc, i think i lost them all when Open Diary was hacked, i just have a few left on my deadjournal account.. yes.. oh god, Jess remember our old Deadjournals? you made me get one cause you had one, then you went to livejournal, cause all of a sudden, life was better than death, like jeeze there girl, make up your mind, you're making this queen's head spin... haha! jk... you i know i love you so... BUt you've got a hell of a lot to learn about rock and.. roll!!! Ok, that was my meatloaf moment. Jesso, lemme know whatyou think of that story i sent you.. Petri, you've read it before, but not that you'll read this and comment cause clearly you never use your LJ anymore.. bitch:p

So yes, this past week has been very interesting and quite fun!!! I've made more friends!! ahh!!! i'm not used to that.. lol.. i blame you jess.. lol.. making me meet people and liking them.. i curse you, but hug nelly and tito:p hehehe *waves* But seriously, it's been a good week.. dinner parties, rocky horror, to wild kinky activities on a bed that i hate nelle's parents for.. lol.. insanely comfortable.. i think i'm gonna sneak into their house and steal that mattress, become a theif just so i can get that bed.. lol.. i won't look funny walking down the street w/ a king size mattress that won't fit into my bedroom, no no.. not at all.. lol

CRIES! now i have la Vie boheme stuck in my head.. lol.. "do yoga do yoga.. anytwho.. lol

So what else to write about kiddies? asides from having an amazing camping trip -- i've told the stories too many times, i'm too lazy to type it out.. lol.. cute bois.. that's all i have to say is.. CUTE HOT... Drool worthy MEN! ugh, i want them so.. lol.. mm.. i think i might have to have a visitor tonight;) his name is morton.. or is it horton.. r is it thorton.. fuck, why do i name them w/ rhyming names.. lol..

OK, so i think i've run out of things to say, and have magically slipped my foot into a slipper that i didn't know existed underneath my computer table.. strange.. blah... so until next time kiddies...

DDDEEEAAATTTHHH!!!

over and out

I used to look at pornography on the toilet... ever since, i've had shitty sex!

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 07:30:49 GMT

Alrighty kiddos, time for an update, but bear with me.. hmm. is it bear or bare.. i dunno, i think it's bear cause i'm not bare naked, although it could be a bear necessity.. *sings* bear necessities, is mother nature's recipes*stops singing* ok, that's all i know, when i was a kid, i had a 4 cassette disney sound track, i remember playing them outside with my little portable tape player that had a yellow and red mic! i sang along with that thing like it was nobody's business.. hehe.. perhaps that's when i started liking being the centre of attention.

Anywho, so, what's new w/ me? nothing too much, i went to the ex today w/ Allison, Tim, and Jason... went on almost all the rides, except my usual ones cause i'm too chicken; however, i did go on niagara falls for the first time.. ah! it was alright, i didn't die.. i wanted to go on the twister, but it was closed :( maybe it'll be open on thurs, so Krissy, if it's open, we're going.. i think:s we'll see.. lol.. depends how chicken i feel like being. speaking of chickens, while i was there, we went into the animal petting farm where i saw dan, ken and the rest of the crew -- but alas, no petri.. oh where for art thou petri? deny thy father, refuse thy name.. oh, but what's in a name? that which we call a rose could smell as sweet... ok enough quoting that, ya, petri i cannot remember for the life of me what day you were going to the ex, i thought you had said monday, but i failed to have seen you.

Anywho, going along that lines, I decided that i'm not getting wasted at parties again! i might drink, but no getting wasted because i want to remember the night. So what i'm getting to, i am refering to ken's house warming party -- nice house with what i saw, but i don't remember what.. i remember the floor being nice a comfy, for i fell on it a few times and spent a bit of time in the bathroom.. :s i am kinda embarrassed that i puked and passed out... i haven't done that since Oak Park, but i'm thinkin it wasn't the alcohol, i'm thinkin it was the pot that mike had.. cause that made me woosy all the next day, cause after I woke up from being passed out, i drove home, still drunk.. oh god.. i had to put on my sunglasses to keep things in focus.. how sad is that? so i went home and slept somemore where i went to work still drunk -- the same work that i was 45mins late for.. haha.. oops :p whatever, i was opening, but i still could have used that time.

So, the next party i think should be at my place.. i'll book off a weekend and do it then while my parents are out of town.. i'm not gonna do the themed one until abby gets back from mexico, so i was thinkin a get together in the first week of july -- parents are in north bay. don't know who to invite.. lol.. obviously kristen, sara, and stef.. perhaps jess and nick.. Logan -- i liked the crew that was at ken's party, so they can come too.. ben and ben seemed cool:) so yea, at that one, i plan not to get drunk, i will have some, but i want to remain somewhat conscious.. lol..

My oh my, this is a long entry, it's sad cuase when i think about it, i think its all in procrastination of not going to bed cause i work tomorrow. LOL.. how sad is that, i open but i don't want to go to bed.. lol.. so procrastinating to sleep.. that's kinda sad especially since i am having trouble keeping my eyes open. so i am gonna stop being lazy and just go to sleep so that the glow necklaces that petri gave me can keep me awake.. like seriously petri, i don't remember when you gave me one of your glow necklaces... i think it was after made mike the honourary queen of the night! But i don't really remember.. lol. So yea, two days later, they're still glowing! NUTS I TELLS YOU.. ehhehe i said nuts..
Ok that's it.. this is me..
over and out

Under A Paper Moon

Sun, 21 May 2006 07:38:59 GMT

Would anyone want to bang you? by phobia
Name:
Favorite Food:
Wants to Bang you:
This many times:	113

Quiz created with MemeGen!

So yea, i apparently get to have sex with Johnny Depp.. not just depp, but the younger hot johnny.. i dunno, i think he has gotten less appealling lately.. but who knows, that could just be me.
So nothin much to reprot, totally slacking withr egards to my spring session course, but oh well, what are you gonna do? my homework! haha.. yea right.. anywho, that's what i am procrastinating on as I type.. and as you read, for i really don't feel like answering questions, and or go to work tomorrow, i've been working to omuch lately, i'll be ready for my vacation come wed 6 pm.. lol..

So, as we know, i have become a shopaholic, but it's gotten worse.. i've now started dressing people.. meaning, i go shopping w/ them and tell them what to wear!!! how horrifying is that?!?!?! but the funny thing is, they get compliments on how they look.. oy... should that inflate my ego a little? I think it should *blows ego* and don't you think about deflating my ego there Petri:p cause i know you like doing that just as much as you enjoy inflating it... and vise versa... or how bout this? i'll deflate you, if you inflate me? how bout that? hehe..
Ok, that sounds a bit dirrtyy.. but speaking of dirty, i am like no where near as bad as i used to be.. ugh! annoying! but i have my moments.. Like tonight... i was telling nick to clean his till.. so he took his bottle and attempted to spray me.. i was like ooh.. nick i never knew you wanted to... *pause* spray me...
and his reaction was like.. there's the Chris I know.. like omg, i seriously have a reputation for that.. meh, oh well.. i enjoy it everyonce in a while, perhaps i've matured a little.. and grown out of that phase... NOOOOOO!!!!!!! that means I'm getting old! *whines*

ok, i'm gonna go curl up into the fetal position and rock back and forth
over and out

Afterglow -- Baby, Cool Your Jets After the Rain

Sat, 29 Apr 2006 07:33:59 GMT

A boy in the sixth grade comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face.

She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?"

"Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!"

The mother is stunned. "You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."

Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher."

"That's right, Dad."

"Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for."

"That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me."

OK, that was my little joke that i stole from Jesso Puddleduck... So right now, I sit here totally bored out of my mind. I went to see Jet Set Satelite, they were good as usual, i had seen them before when they opened for Bif naked. I got there a bit late thanks to work and thus consequently missed Lies Like these -- I love that song! and Baby Cool Your Jets. ugh, curses work.. perhaps i shoulda taken laura's shift.. but then again. it would mean that i would have to work on a sat, when clearly, getting it off just rocks my socks!

So yea, if you saw my socks... you'd that they're Hoppin.. you could call them a Sock hop even.
Anywho, nothin much is overly new -- went shopping this week w/ Logan - we were totally being bitchy towards eachother.. after all "I'm being such a queen"... man, i wish i saw the look on that girls face! However, i was lacking in pants... i probably would have rolled my eyes at them, but i might have gotten called on that too while trying on pants that fit too well.. *curses again*
But amidst this shopping, i realized, that I love stripes or any type of pattern! And that I hate walmart shirts... i only have 2 left and they're not extra large.. hehe... also, i am addicted to pants -- as i was giving away like all my pants, i realized that i have 9 different pairs that i enjoy.. but why is it called pants? cause if you just a leg, would it just be a pant? i'm gonna take a stab and say that it's due to the original word pantaloons... but that word makes me think of knickerboxers and clearly, that is a funny word!

So yea.. until next time.. Jer phones and needs me to pick him up, sounds like he's in tears, so this is me
over and out

p.s: logan update:p

Anybody Wanna Take Me Home? I should I ride over there on my Pink Hippo?

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 07:46:25 GMT

OK, so i don't know why i'm updating, i don't feel like it... but i'm gonna anyways.. i have a big snorting pink hippo that's threatening me if i don't... and no her name isn't Bertha.. her name is actually Horny.. so yes, you can say that this entry has been sponsored by Horny Hippo. i wish i had more than one, so that way i can have horny hippos -- make it plural (there ya go petri, a dash:p)

So what's new? Asides from "loving my grandmother's china," Nothin much.. i worked today, it was a weird day -- busy but strange.. got in a discussion of Top or Bottom w/ an employee of mine..
What happened was, i gave him permission to go get a cart that was by a bus stop.. he was like seriously? Sweet, give it to me Up top (indicating a high five) I told him.. honey, i don't do top, I prefer bottom.. and walked away.. then crap, i'm out of honey dill sauce.. oh well.. Oh.. hah! anywho, i walked off, and then he was like, why wouldn't you be a top, that's the way to go -- i told him, cause i'm too lazy and it's more fun. so from then on, he first came up to me and would say sex.. the first time i replied is fun, i'm gettin some tonight (total lie, but i wanted to see his reaction) he then bugged me for a name, i'm like, i'm not telling, he persisted -- it's a guy isn't it.. i replied maybe, maybe not.. and strolled off for my break.. he came up to clean the lunchroom. started talking about gay people - and gaydar, etc.. and how he didn't understand it so i attempted to give him a break down.. he had to go down stairs, so he was like, i gotta go, but have fun w/ sex tonight.. i replied, will do, and i'll be thinking of you during.. ahah.. just to creep him out.. bitch much? LOL.. so iw ent down from my break and he started talkin about bottom and tops again...he was like, chris on top of things? i replied, no, but i'm sure i'll get to the bottom of it.. just as I said that.. regina comes up and is like.. Chris are you on top of everything here?... i couldn't contain myself.. neither could he, we looked at each other and bursted out laughing.. i was like, yes i.. everything is undercontrol.. and looked at craig and told him to shut up.. LOL.. so that was an example of the weird times had at sobeys..

anywho, thurs, went out for abby's dad's b-day.. went to the kings head to be joined by petri, whom.. sorry hon.. couldn't get away from the pool table thanks to some of us.. hehe... afterwards he came over.. we attempted to play bomberman, and have me royally kick his ass, but it ended up a tie.. grr.. i'll get you yet petri... just you wait! but anywho, we continued until about 2 am, where i had the horrible craving for grilled cheese, so we had some and sat around chatting till 6 am... lol..it was fun.. i love just sitting around and chatting till all hours of the morning.. seems like we've done that a few times this week eh petri? lol.. mcD's, sals, thurs.. lol.. MSN -- which you appear to be becoming addicted to..lol.. but that's ok., it's a good habit -- unlike porn:p
Ok, the last one, not so much, it's more or less a tiring habit.. it's still a cardiovascular work out:) hehe
ok, i'm out of things to say, time to go make stuffing and stuff the turkey.. woot!! gobble gobble.. oh and slice the ham.. so this is me
Over and out!

It's All About the Fabulous !! (again)

Tue, 04 Apr 2006 22:04:13 GMT

OK kiddies, i've decided to update, for it has been a while since i last posted one.. and even with that one it was a little large.. so i'll try to keep this short and simple

So kids, school is done, all i have to do is write 4 exams and i'm done.. minus spring session, but that shouldn't be too bad either. it's only an online course and i write an essay for that, and as we know, i never stop talking so it's all good.

So what's new.. umm.. i went shopping last night after convincing mommy dearest to lend me some money for clothes.. so i bought 5 tops.. 2 collared ones -- ( a dash for logan) one's navy blue w/ stripes and the other is kind of a creamy beige that has a little pattern on the front corner.. then i have 2 rinnger tees-- (another dash for petri) one is red w/ navy blue cuffs and collar and the other is purple w/ apparently navy blue cuffs as well, even though i thought they were purple... funny story about the purple one.. i went there last tuesday with kristen and there were all sorts, i went last night i couldn't find any, so while on the phone w/ krissy, i was movin tops and found them.. ALL Larges.. and i was like ugh, so i dug around and found the last medium... and i also got a baseball tee for russ's logo (i'll get another, cause i like how they fit).. i tried them all on.. they fit well witha medium, but then i tried smalls.. they fit even better.. so determined that it was a match made in heaven, i got all smalls except for my purple one.. i had to settle for a med.
So anywho, then after i changed into my purple top, my hot ass jeans and my beanie hat, i went to meet krissy, sara, and steph-- who looks very familiar, but i don't know from where.. oh well.. i'll figure it out.
and went to sara's apartment...

And yea, i think that's it..
petri -- we shall get together one of these days.. gimme a call -- don't worry, there will be lots more shopping to do ;) i need some harsh truths:p
And i need to kick your bottom in bomberman:p

Ok, this is me,
over and out

Take Your Mama

Sat, 25 Mar 2006 08:12:04 GMT

Ok, so that is my latest song of the month.. rather day.. week.. whatever, you know me, i always have a new song in my head.. but nonetheless it's hard to see down this country road with your glasses in the garbage and your continnental's just been towed.. i love tha tline.. oh and walkin down these streets wearing buckets of stale cologne.
Ya know, i think the more i listen and read the lyrics to this song, the more i enjoy my interpretation of it involving takin your mama out and exposing her to the gay world. cause if you think about it, "we're gonna take your mama out all night, yea we'll show her what it's all about.. get her jacked up on some cheap champagne and let the good times all roll out" or just the general verses ie: "when you grow up, living like a good boy oughta... in the summer watching at the girls apss by. When your mama.. heard the way that you've been talkin.. tried to tell her, but all she want to do is cry."
Somehow as of this moment, that line strikes a chord with me... again, it's the whole trying to get my parents to accept my sexuality, yea i know.. get over it already.. my dad doesn't seem to have a problem with it, and if he does, he never shows it. My mother on the other hand.. proceeded to tell me again that she'll never get used to it -- yet again, so i decided to play the conditional love card... i can be such a bitch when i want to be, but you know what? god damn if i care, cause frankly there is only so much fighting and covering up of my actions and diction that i can do. I don't feel like tippy-toeing around any form of reference to my sexual persuasion. Cause i figure, course this could be me being totally overtly cocky, but the only way she'll get used to it is if she hears me talk about it, and talk about it with her.. I'd love to get into her head and just see what the wheels are saying and perhaps put a new brand of oil on those wheels to give her a smoother ride and or better comprehension. I've been patient for ages, but really... there is only so much i can be patient for and if i have to keep going with this, she'll never get used to it and i do have a life to live..
i was talkin with Kara today about how i wish i could turn back time and go back to when i was dating Brad -- asides from the amazing sex, but actually bring him home.. he wanted to meet my parents, but no, me being too chicken refused. I met his many times, his mom still shops at my store and we chat up a storm everytime.. i love her, she's fabulous! yes, all about the fabulous!.. but anywho, if i had brought him home, who knows how things could have been different, perhaps id have a completely different dynamic w/ my parents.. but then again, would have could have should have.. nothing you can do about it now, for it's all in the past. Who knows perhaps he would still be here and no in Toronto... i had the chance to jump his bone in december, i declined cause in a way i still am attached to him, i just wouldn't be able to take the heart break of losing him yet again... call me a chicken i guess, but i don't like getting hurt and how i saw it, it was another perfect opportunity for that to happen -- and me, being the survival do whatever won't hurt chris mode and make me the victim stood in the way and let my alarms ring... if i didn't have any inhibitions, i think i would have done him, just for old time's sake, but in retrospect, i am glad i didn't for it just made my life tha tmuch easier.. cause man when i picked him up at the airport during xmas break, he looked good! and i mean drop dead, i will become your sexdoll-put-me-in-any-position-you-like-master... i held fast.. I miss him sometimes, but in the end it was only 9 months, so what's 9 months right? apparently a lifetime for me cause i comepletely fell head over heels in love with him and i never do that, rather, i shouldn't say never, i haven't been able to since then, or before then even... hence all my random partners.
Perhaps all my random partners were just a way to fill a void, a way to get satisfaction with out having the emotional connection and attachment to protect myself from getting hurt again.. who knows.. it makes sense to me, so i'm gonna stick with that for now... not like i have a choice.. what do you guys think? y'all know me, what do you think is the cause of my fear of true commitment? with that said, i'm ready for it.. i'm ready to share a deeper connection with someone.. someone who won't shy away when i'm being overbearing, someone who will be willing to hold me when i need it, someone to whom i can trust and perhaps even love... i want one.. i'm ready...

Ok.. that was a bit of a rant, i still feel like i have more to rant about.. but i dunno... it's all good i think. But fuck.. man that was kinda depressing, didn't expect to write that much, but it just poured out.. oh well it's better to get it all out in writing. So yea, ok i just re-read that sentence i just noticed the juxtaposed word positioning.. lets see who'll get it... Logan, i have high expectations that you will succeeed in finding this particular word placement. Our queendom is in need of your observant eyes.. LOL.. ok, so yea, last weekened was alright, went to desire.. danced for like so long, hadn't done that in ages.. i kinda wanna go again.. LOL.. that and we managed to POP! kristen's desire cherry, so sorry hon, we have takin your cherry and knowing ppl in my group, they will have taken that cherry, put atop of ice cream and eaten it... I know i would if i liked cherries.. but whatever... speaking of whatever, petri and i had a strange nerdy english convo today about the root word of whatever and how it came to be.. i declared it to be a colloquialistic term that was used in short of the true sentence... but i dunno, i am the queen of bullshit after all... so maybe my shit might have disturbed teh right bull... a bull that has all the answers:p
after this stressful week, everything seems to have worked out somehow... regardless of how exhausting it was. It's over, now all i'm gonna do is sleep.. so yea, this me.. sleepy and about to go
Over and Out!

OH, before i go.. the entire reason for this post.. as if it wasn't long enough... but sorry, i hadn't updated for a while...

A young man joined the Army and signed up to be a paratrooper. He went
through the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and
higher structures and finally went to take his first jump from a
plane.
The next day he called home to tell his father the news.
"So, did you jump?", asked the father.
"Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the plane, and the
sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got
up and just walked out of the plane."
"Is that when you jumped?" asked his father.
"Uh, no, I didn't. The sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time
and throw them out the plane."
"Did you jump then?" asked his father
"I'm getting to that. Everyone else had jumped and I was the last man left
on the plane. I told the sergeant t hat I was too scared to jump.
He told me to get off the plane or he'd kick my butt."
"So, did you jump?", the father again asked.
"No!!! He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the door and
refused to go. Finally he called the Jump Master over. The Jump Master is
this great big guy, about six-foot-five and 250 pounds.
He said to me, 'Are you gonna jump or not?"
I said, "No sir, I'm too scared.
So the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and took out his you-know-what. I
swear Dad it was about 10 inches long and big around as a baseball bat!"He
said, 'Either you jump out that door or I'm sticking this little baby up
your ass."
"So, did you jump?" asked his father.
"Well, a little, at first

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, a camping we will go

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 04:25:22 GMT

Yes, i went to the RV show... man i missed some of those things -- the big trailers, the sitting under the awnings drinkin the day away, man those were the days.. mind you, i never drank back then -- rather, i had my pop, but still it was drinking the day away. we exploredall the floors -- Jess and I. She had picked me up from my one class today *i skipped all except my last one cause i felt like sleeping, and a sleeping i did.. speakin of which i want some more. Man, this space button on this keyboard is driving me nuts because it's not spacing.. it taking me at least to tries to get it to work but whatever... Anywho!
back to the trailers, we went to the tent trailers.. some of them have HEATED MATTRESSES!!!! like how cool is that? I sih i had one! but no, we had nice cheap hard foam that was to serve as Jenn and I's bed... but whatever, we had so many trailers that the beds changed each time... man gotta love the cheap foam bunk beds that we had -- me stuck on the bottom cause i kept falling off of the top... or the pull out bed with the bar in the middle of your back.. or the dining room table that took forever to get the legs off... yea, i've had a lot of beds... never really gave it much thought before, but I did! I was mentioning to Jess that i could see myself with my ankles over my head being fucked while the little ones played outside.. mmm.. such a fantasy.. we agreed to take care of eachother's children when the other wanted to get laid -- we'd have a secret phrase set up so that way there would be no interuptions:D But seriously, some of these trailers were astounding.. the things they came up with.. some had fireplaces.. yea, fireplace.. I of course wouldn't need one.. cause clearly i'd be makin all the heat:p
All in all that was my little update, nothing big...makes me want to go camping even more now.. and start planning:D And as we all know.. I'm an obsessive planner... i have every detail laid out.. for my sanity at least -- once we're there, i'm good.. i think..
Anywho, i'm goin to bed and it's only 1030 at night.. meh oh well.. *yawns* i'm off..
over and out

There was Something In the Air that Night

Mon, 13 Mar 2006 06:35:05 GMT

*sings* the stars so bright..Fernando.. they were shining there for you and me... *ends singing* ok, now that that little tid bit is over time for a little html

- You Are The Wayward Heart

"Feel Better."

You are best described as 'Emotional Support'.

Anytime an emotional issue comes up or

something stresses people out, you are there

to help them feel better about it. Whether

you are the prankster of the bunch, the funny

one, the wild one, or just the shoulder to

cry on - your traits favor what it takes to

keep people going. You like large groups of

people and have many friends. When something

hits home for you, however, you have a hard

time with it. You also have difficulty paying

attention or focusing on one thing. Above

all, though, if people are happy, you are

happy.

Which Classic Story Role Do You Play?
brought to you by Quizilla

OK, html over.. so.. this is alittle update right before i header off to bed... only to get up early tomorrow for one class... i want to to skip, but I shouldn't.. andit also gets Petri to his class *looks in his direction* yes, that's right, this queen is taking command:p

So anywho, this weekend was pretty uneventful.. well, i wouldn't say uneventful, but nothing overly dramatic and chaotic happened like last weekend when i flipped out at a customer.. I instead went out with Jessy on Friday afterwork... that was nice... we went to boston pizza where we munched on cactus cut potatoes and iced tea.. the waitress rememberd us from last time -- which was before Elissa and I had broken up.. oy, a long time ago... she remembered our affinity for Iced Tea which was nice, cause boy did we need it.. lol.. we chatted about anything and everything which was nice.. speaking of which Jess get an LJ, screw xanga and come here.. lol.. that's where the cool people are.. OMG, i never thought i'd say that cause i used to be the other way around, but meh.. since i've figured out how to use this site, i really don't mind it at all... Oh.. where was I? right.. ok, lets continue.. Then on saturday, i closed, but went out for drinks w/ Mom (dolores) and Cara to guess where? Boston Pizza.. i asked for a double rye and coke.. k, i just spelt that coke as cock and when i went to write cock, i wrote coke.. oy vey.. Ok that's it.. i'm cut off.. lol.. anywho, my double was gross... it so was not a double... it was more like a triple and there was no way in hell was I drunk enough to take a triple.. but on the plus side it numbed my mouth enough to have lots of cactus cuts.. hehe.. this time with out the side effects that i had when i went w/ Petri, Dan and ken.. so that was always a relief..hehe.. relief.. In more ways than one!! So no.. it wasn't the shits! it was a good time:) Oh god.. i wanna run w/ that but i can't.. my brain is a little too slow for this time at night..
Ok, for what was gonna be a short entry.. turned out to be somewhat lengthy, but that's ok, because i'm not done yet. Sunday -- today, i went to work and then after went for dinner w/ krissy and hung out w/ Jessy and her brother nathan.. we went bowling.. I lost both games.. the Mckay clan beat the leifso and Rivet group.. bah whatever.. lol.. it was fun nonetheless -- i was dirrrtyy.. so it's all good:)
ok, i think i'm done, but yea.. dunno if i'm pickin petri up tomorrow morning, i'll find out when i show up at his house in the Am... we'll find out seeing as how he doesn't pick up the phone:p
But that's ok... we still love 'em.. lol..
ok.. officially, this is me..
over and out!

It's All About the Fabulous

Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:11:21 GMT

OK, so yea, it is all about the fabulous, why? I dunno, but fabulous cannot be replaced as a word... cause it's just fabulous. So this week has been a fairly good one... nothing too dramatic happened. I had to do a presentation on friday along with petri, i thought i did fairly well... got a comment from G-pa Bembridge that was semi-positive.. about what i think is a problem for me -- using higher levels of thinking... but whatever, that's why i'm in highschool.. they have brains.. let them use 'em. lol... *yawns* oy.. i dunno why, but i have been hit with the yawns all day.. drives me nuts.. lol.. but anywho, about my weekend.
Friday -- went out w/ Abby and Logan.. nearly died in Abby's car... gah, her driving scares me... note to self, drive more often... lol.. but asides from those nerve wracking moments, i had a good time w/ Raj, Felix and the edusquad.. btw logan, that's what i'm calling us.. the edusquad. I think it works.. our own clique.. seeing as how there appears to be cliques in education, us three are our own.. lol.. hehe.. we're good:D and clearly Fabulous!
Then sat came along, it was ok... i woke up and went to work -- but it was crazy busy for the longest time.. lol.. i worked all day and night on cash -- i'm not used to that.. i'm used to being always in Customer service.. but it's ok.. i didn't mind, a switch for once. Didn't have to be in charge, even though i bossed ppl around anyways:p Bitched out a few courtesy's cause i had to get a ton of carts.. not my job folks.. not my job.. but that''s ok.. cause it was nice out and i enjoyed it.. all 60 carts.. brought in by me!!! and it gave me ammo to bitch :-D I'm so mean... And i bitched out a customer like within the last 15 mins of my shift... my last one in fact. ( i got sent home early). This guy, around 22-23 cause making homophobic remarks about another cashier -- calling him a faggot.. i was like.. excuse me, what did you just say? Nonchlantly he replied.. that cashier over there, he's such a fag. I replied, I know for a fact that he's not a fag, but I am, so don't ever use that language around me or around anyone else for that matter, with that said,go find yourself another fuckin cashier cause it sure as hell isn't going to be me. Good night *with that I turned off my light, logged off and left*
After i left, went out with Krissy skating and to perkins for mozza sticks (love those things), let her drive clunky for a bit... it's harder in the winter that's for sure.. but You'll get there krissy:D Post perkins, drove krissy home and i went to bed...
And for today... i went to work, expecting to have an alright day... for the most part it was; however, the other supervisor on duty went home sick.. so i was all alone to run customer service and manage the department... if it wasn't as busy, it wouldn't have been a big deal.. but today was insane..and the depressing part was that we were shy of our projected sales by like 300 bucks.. made all of us mad.. but whatever, what else can you do eh? Work some more i guess...
And that concludes this entry i believe...
Yea, this is me..
Over and out

To Those Who

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 19:18:14 GMT

ok so i was looking through my binder for an old unit that i did in grd 11 for a self-guided research project.. and i came across a poem that i wrote.. so i decided to post it:)

to those who dream it, the future is yours.
sieze it! Grasp its power!
To those who want it, take it
Believe you can, when you believe,
you can do anything.
To those who love it, cherish it.
Use it, love it, caress it.
It's yours!
to those who believe, never forget.
never lose sight of what you believe.
Defend it!
It's yours.
Believe it!
To those who dream, it's yours
To thsoe who want, take it
to those who have, cherish it
to those who believe, believe it.
to those who know,
I'm gone...

Not Betty Boop.. but Betty Oops!!!

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 01:10:25 GMT

So, it's back to school and it's been a shitty day... Asides from it being monday.. i managed to crash my poor betty on the way home.. ugh.. hasn't been 3 years since my last one so it'll be 400 bucks for my license. i basically hit ice as i was slowing down to do a lane change, couldn't do the change soon enough, and slid into the rear corner.. i've said it so many times today that i'm getting sick of doing a full description. i woulda hit it head on had i not swerved.. but enough of this accident crap.. i'm sick of it.. lol..

Anywho, on to the rest of my day.. i went to student teaching today.. had a kid fall asleep near the end of the day.. i stood behind him.. told the class to be quiet... told them that at the count of 3 i wanted everyone to say his name.. so i counted to 3... everyone yelled out his name.. the fucker.oops.. eerr.. student jumped so high in his seat that it was amusing.. lol.. i patted him on the back and was like.. so you're gonna stay awake for the rest of the day right? he said yes..hjehe.. i'm such a bitch.. oh and beforehand, i confiscated a cell phone and a rubber ball that was flying around teh room. I'm so mean.. I love it..
ok.. time to study..
Over and Out
Chris

zzz

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 08:19:40 GMT

OK, so this is a quickie before i go to bed and settle down for a slumber before i head off to the lake..
I still need to get packin completely.. mainly my clothes.. i was going for so long without making a list.. i broke down and made 3!!!! oH, I AM SO ASHAMED.LOL, ok, time to turn of caps.. lol.. i made one for meals, food, and equipment... ah! i really am anal... lol..
So i went out to get groceries today and took kristen off to drive betty in the exhibition parking lot.. that didn't go too badly considering it was her first time behind the wheel... and standard at that.. so yay Krissy!! after i dropped her off home, i went over to petri's place to get a few cd's of mine.. hey there's a hold in my pj's.. looks like i'm gonna have to fix that.. oh.. ha! i just wrote this down. lol.. so back to petri, he's sadly sick.. it sucks.. lol.. but hopefully he'll get better.. lol... all tha rolling in the snow musta done it.. we chilled for a bit.. until i had to race home to get to work... leaivng him in ken's hands.. i actually was on time for work today.. i was quite impressed.. it was steady, i hate that.. lol..
ok.. what else.. ah yes..
I was just leaving linden woods, i had madonna blaring.. and i do mean nearly full blast, when 4 teenaged boys looked at me as i was grooving to madonna w/ disgust.. it was like.. WTF is he listening to.. ugh, it's horrible.. LMAO.. i loved their reaction it amused me all day.. OK.. i must go, for my short entry runs the risk of becoming longer.. so this is me..
Over and OUt

Sat, 11 Feb 2006 21:39:33 GMT

<td align="center"> Cruelnight --
[noun]:

A lewd street performer

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com</td>

Yes, that's right.. I have become a leud street performer... That's so dirrty.. I LOVE IT!!!
Speaking of dirty, i need to havea shower.. i still smell like bromine... meh.. it was all good times.. except for my poor poor toe...which i ended up putting a band-aid on today... my house had none.. LOL... Until i remembered the 1st aid kit that i used to keep in my car -- hidden up in the closet.. oh yea, i made it my bitch! Just like that chordates exam.. hehe...I made it my bottom!
Ok ok, no more school talk, i promised everyone that i wouldn't talk school.. cause it's READING WEEEEEEEKKK!!!!!!!! that and there is 5 more sleeps til we leave.. I'm excited... :D
Umm.. what else... I have yet to fully make Petri my bitch at bomberman... the time will come honey, the time will come... you will be my bitch!:p
Ok, i'm babbling..
over and out

Uhh... Sir.... Your Pectoralis is Showing

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 04:57:48 GMT

OK, so just a little short entry, i meant to do that yesterday, but as Logan knows as per his note... my keyboard's space key didn't work.. so i dare not write an entire entry putting periods between the words, or let them run on.. that just doesn't make sense..
So not much has been happening in my life.. i've decided that i want a man... i'm ready for a boyfriend... for real.. i guess i was kinda waiting for the other half to move on.. but why wait? we're two different people, that and she had one last friday.. which totally makes me happy:)
So today, i went to education, only to be yelled at by bembridge w/ abby... when she didn't deserve it -- totally was my fault... she was upset, i don't blamer her one bit.. so i apologised to him after class, cleared her name, placed the blame on me... which is fine cause it was completely my fault.
Then after, petri and I went back to my place and chilled -- took his car so he wouldn't get a ticket... unlike last week... freakin key.. LOL... i gave the grand tour of mah mason... et mon disco collection.. i love vinyl.. LOL.. yea.. it was nice, i had a decent day.. then i got back to lab late -- but stayed till like 810 studying for Chordates.. i definately feel better about this exam in comparison to the last one.. i should pass.. *prays*
and yea, this is my little update, which usually never ends up little.. but i suppose i can give a little more.. I've totally been enjoying my vibe lately.. i need to get a new one.. and i need more condoms cause i keep forgetting to wash the ones that i use w/ my vibe *i hate cleaning it, so condoms do that for me* this one is only my temp fix as it did make a cracking noise again last night.. grr... damn vibe.. it was after i finished riding the thing:P
OK... no more.. it's giving me urges, so i guess i shall aquiest that request and settle those urges..
over and out